


The Source of Hope

by bellarke_forever_2199



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-22
Updated: 2017-06-22
Packaged: 2018-11-17 12:09:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11275044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellarke_forever_2199/pseuds/bellarke_forever_2199
Summary: One Shot // While Clarke is recovering from the radiation poisoning and grappling with the reality of being alone, she finds something that makes her realize just how important survival is.





	The Source of Hope

**Author's Note:**

> First Fic, so let me know what you guys think! I'd be willing to keep writing if people enjoy what I've done so far :)

She didn’t know how it was possible.  
In the rush of preparations, the panic, no one had been paying attention to details, and it must of slipped past without his knowledge. She didn’t know how it was possible, and yet it was here. 

It had been three days since Praimfaya, and Clarke was finally feeling well enough to get up and walk around the lab, familiarizing herself with the space just because she could. The past 3 days had been nothing. A haze of survival. The shock of waking up, being granted another chance. The pain. The bitter struggle to survive as the fire raged outside. Clarke had not given in. Not one single second sacrificed to realize that everything was lost. All she had was her bitter desire to live, just to spite the universe that continually tried to destroy her. At least, that was all she had. Until now.   
She’d found it in the observatory. Clarke had always liked the small, glassed in room that overlooked the lab, found some strange sort of peace in its silence. She wandered inside, mostly in a need to do something other than lie on the floor as she had for the past two days, and when she saw it she stared blankly, a cold shock breaking through her numb exterior.   
Bellamy’s guard jacket.   
She had no idea how it had made it into the lab. Realistically, there was no explanation to it being left, or even being in the lab in the first place. And yet, here it is. Clarke cautiously stepped closer, thinking she might be hallucinating. The condition she was in certainly made it possible. However, as she slowly walked toward it, it didn’t break or vanish. It just laid there, casually slung over a chair, exactly the way he would have left it.   
She reached for it, hesitated, felt as though her bones were frozen in ice. Anticipation, fear, disbelief rocked her to her core. Finally she picked it up, gingerly. Held it in front of her. Remembered the way it molded to his broad shoulders, the way she felt when she saw him wearing it.   
The night on the beach.   
The sadness in his eyes.  
Before that, in Polis, Arcadia, the first day on the dropship. The memories flooded in, so fast that Clarke couldn’t possibly control them.   
Sadness, hope, joy, light, pain.   
Love.   
Clarke inhaled deeply. Grounded herself. Carefully, she raised the jacket, breathed in.   
Home.   
Sweat, dirt, the pines they both loved most. Sweet soap, Ark ordered. Faintly, she could smell something warmer. Cold nights, warm fires. Smoke. Her nose buried in his shoulder. His arms wrapped around her, keeping her whole.   
In one moment, Clarke broke. Clutching the jacket, she fell, sobbing. She had lost him. The one who meant most to her in the world. He had been her beacon. Her reason to go on. What reason did she have now? She no longer had the strength to hold herself up. Everything she loved. Gone. 5 years ahead and she didn’t have the strength to fight forever.   
Gripping the jacket, she cried harder, feeling the emotions she had contained so long pour out of her. Destroyed by the overwhelming pain of reality.   
She hadn’t told him.   
Not once, no matter how many times she wanted to, had she told Bellamy Blake that she loved him.   
And she had, she did, love him. It may have taken her a long time to realize it, but she was now more sure of it than she’d been of anything.   
Pulling the lever in Mount Weather. Chasing Roan down to find her. Forgiving her after she had run. Never abandoning her, no matter how many times she did him. The list. The beach. The bunker. Becca’s lab. She had every place burned into her mind. All the times she had wanted to tell him she loved him and every time she had resisted. They had more time, she had reasoned. She would tell him when things were better, when they had a future to look toward together. She would not let I love you be her goodbye. Not this time.   
But nothing is permanent, and time had once again run out. Now Bellamy thought she was dead, and she might never be able to see his eyes when she told him the truth.   
All of the sudden, the gravity of what she had just realized struck her, so hard it made her sit straight up, eyes wide.   
Bellamy thought she was dead.   
She should be dead.   
She was not dead.   
And when Bellamy and the others came down, she would be alive.   
She could survive for them. For him. Grim determination filling her body, she stood up. Looking down at the jacket in her hands, she quickly shrugged it on over her bulky hazmat suit. Quickly, she walked out of the observatory and to the radio. The possibility of a signal was non existent. She didn’t care.   
She would do this. She would survive, and thrive, during the next five years. So that when she saw him again, she wouldn’t have to waste any more time. The tiniest hint of a smile built on her lips as she picked up the walkie.   
“Bellamy… if you can hear me, if you’re alive… it’s been three days since Praimfaya.”


End file.
